Excited and Dreaming

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I must be getting excited about our move to Hawaii. I had a dream that we were living in Hawaii and I went surfing. It was amazing and so beautiful. It's funny though because I haven't been surfing since I found out I was pregnant with Lukas and I was only just learning how to do it. Well, I do still have a board so who knows...maybe this dream is a sign that I should try it out again when we move. My husband got more into than me because I was all pregnant and then taking care of the baby. After a while though he stopped going surfing because he didn't like going alone and none of his friends wanted to go much anymore. It definitely would be a great way for me to get in shape but I can't just leave my 2 yr old on the beach while I go surfing, haha. My husband and I could take turns going out but it is so much more fun when we're out there together.

Okay, I guess I've started rambling and all because of a crazy dream. It really was a cool dream though and it made me realize how much I liked being out in the water even if I wasn't any good at it. For a while, I was not sure about this move because it is so far away but I think it is going to be a great experience for all of us. I only wish my son was a little bit older because I doubt he will remember much about living in Hawaii.

We're back in Jacksonville

Monday, December 29, 2008

We are back in Jacksonville after close to two weeks spent in Louisiana. It was a nice visit and my son has toys pouring out of his room. He's just a bit spoiled but isn't that the way it is supposed to be when they are this age? It's hard to believe my baby boy is a practically grown up 2 yr old now. He is becoming so independant.

Of all of the toys Lukas got, the play vacuum cleaner is his favorite (for the moment). I'm happy because that is the first toy I bought for him this year. He had a great birthday party with lots of family at my parents' house. Christmas was nice too. Next year it will more than likely be just the three of us in Hawaii, unless someone decides to pay us a visit.

The bad thing about going home for the holidays, especially since home is Louisiana, is that we ate way too much not so healthy yummy food. So, it's diet time. I want to try to start exercising too. My goal is to lose at least 10 lbs. This is 10 pounds that I've wanted to lose for a long time though. It's the 10 lbs that is just sticking to me and will not go away. I wouldn't mind losing 15 but I feel like 10 is more realistic and I don't want to overwhelm myself with an unreachable goal. A lot of people tell me I look fine the way I am but they don't understand that I used to be super super skinny with the perfect body and that was without the effort of exercise or any sort of dieting. I sure do miss my metabolism :( So I guess it's just hard for me to accept this body I've got now with a tummy not so pretty thighs and plenty of stretch marks to go along with it. I'm working on it. I know I need to work on more than just my body because it's obviously my self-esteem too. So here's to getting healthy and working on being happier about myself. So if anyone wants to say any prayers for me that would be great b/c this isn't just affecting me but I can tell it's affecting my husband and our marriage too.

A kitchen and a wagon

Sunday, December 14, 2008

We've started Lukas's Christmas a little early this year because we cannot bring all of his presents to Louisiana. They just would not fit in my car! So we've given him his kitchen and a radio flyer wagon my dad got for him. He loves them both and was very excited to get them. My husband got to put them both together. The kitchen was kind of a pain but well worth it because our son loves it so much. Tommorow evening/late afternoon we are leaving to go to Louisiana. I'm so excited. Lukas's birthday party is going to be next Saturday. It's going to be so fun to be home.

Home for the Holidays

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas will be here before we know. I just love Christmas. It's one of my favorite times of the year and my son's birthday is just 3 days before. Saturday, we went to a kid's Christmas party where Lukas got to see Santa and get a gift.

I am so excited about going home for Christmas. It's going to be nice to see family and friends. I know it's going to fly by though so I'm going to try to make the best of it and keep it as drama free as possible (crosses fingers...I can't control what other people do or bring up). So, next week I will be home in Louisiana!

Don't know how long I'll leave this one up but had to get it out.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I cannot sleep. There is something that I cannot get off my mind lately and I just cannot let it go. I think it may be because my son is so close to the age I was when it happened to me. What this man did to me when I was just a baby is so disgusting and, for me, unforgivable. Not only what he did to me but also my younger brother. He is a sick, horrible, and evil man. Who, still to this day, looks at me with an evil smirk on his face laughing at me for what he got away with over 20 something years ago.
He lives very near my parents and I am friends with his family members. I guess that I am a bit paranoid because we are staying with my parents when we go home for Christmas. I don't want him laying eyes on my beautiful son. I wish I could get rid of this anger and forgive but how do you forgive something like that? I do not believe people like that change and there was never any justice served. It's just frustrating.

the Holidays

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I have not blogged in a while so here I go. We had a really nice Thanksgiving week. My husband's father, step-mother, and his brother came for a visit. They had a blast with Lukas and Thanksgiving was great! Naptime and bedtime has continued to be a battle with Lukas but I'm getting used to it and dealing with it better now.
My husband finally got his official orders to report to Hawaii in the spring. It looks like we will be leaving Florida sometime in April but we are not sure on the exact dates yet. I am excited but nervous about the move. It's sort of bittersweet.
I am really looking forward to our trip home to Louisiana for Lukas's birthday and Christmas. I cannot believe my baby is going to be 2 years old. I have been thinking a lot about when he was born lately and how lucky we are to both be here. I think the reality of me actually almost dying has only just recently sank in because I didn't think much of it at the time. I just did what I had to do and made it through it. I am so blessed to be here and to have my beautiful little boy. We are going to have a Spongebob (his favorite character) Birthday Party for him at my parents' home in Louisiana. This will probably be our last trip home for a very long time with our move to Hawaii coming up pretty soon, so I plan on trying to make the most out of it.